Unfairy Tale
by KelleBelle1981
Summary: AU. Buffy Summers is a princess. When her mother, Queen Joyce, informs her that she must choose a husband at the upcoming masquerade ball, the princess, with the help of her friends, plans her escape. Then what? Do you really need to question the pairing?
1. In the Beginning

**Unfairy Tale**

**By**: Kelley

**Rating: **Uh...T? Or something...

**Summary: **Buffy is a princess who is bored with the life she was brought up in. So she decides to escape when it is time for her to choose a husband. Told in a fairy tale style...well, sort of.

**Disclaimer:** I haven't posted anything in awhile, and I've had this story sitting around for almost a year now. Well, really I've only written a small part of the story. If I get positive reviews, I'll post more. Not long from now I'll be moving, so I don't know how often I will be able to post. I'm bored and wanted to post something though. Hope you enjoy. If you don't like it however, please don't flame me. Just try to be nice about it, or I'll send all the kids in my class to your house for a whole day and force you to watch them for awhile. Just kidding. That would be unfortunate. Okay, I'm super tired, and I don't think I'm making a whole lot of sense, so I'm shutting up now.

**Disclaimer the Second:** Okay, fine, I don't own any of the characters. But if I had my way, Spike would be mine. But you all know that anyway. So, on with the story. Yay.

* * *

Once upon a time there was a princess. Most stories start out saying that the princess was beautiful, but everyone knows that in real life, not all princesses are, in fact, beautiful. Of course, that didn't matter in this case. This princess was highly attractive and the majority of the male species was fond of this golden-haired goddess. She was short, skinny, embraced personal hygiene, and really knew how to dress to impress. Her name was Princess Buffy.

Princess Buffy, daughter of Queen Joyce and King Hank, was unlike any other princess known. She did not act like a princess, and quite enjoyed the adventure and excitement that was associated with killing evil creatures and making merry with the more aesthetically pleasing pure bred royals.

Still, she grew bored with what was always in front of her perfectly tanned face. Royal boys were quite boring. Princess Buffy was not a slut by any means, but that does mean she refrained from the act of sexual intercourse with a few of the males she figured to be worthy of her presence.

This was probably a result of the princess' lack of a true father figure. Her real father, King Hank, left her mother for a young and beautiful upcoming actress who had sworn she would be out of the porn industry as soon as she made enough contacts in the fabulous land of Hollywood.

Queen Joyce was actually a wonderful mother to Buffy and the princess' younger sister, Dawn. Joyce doted on her wonderful children, never one to judge the choices her daughters made, no matter how much it went against royal policy. So the three elegant and beautiful women lived in near-perfect harmony. Their only problems were the fact they had bad luck in love. Poor Joyce attempted to find many a suitable man for her, but the single royal men either considered her too old, or they were already married and were concerned with extra-marital affairs of their cold, evil hearts. Joyce was not much for being the other woman as she had already been down that venue once in her life when she had finally discovered King Hank was cheating on her.

Princess Dawn was six years younger than Princess Buffy, and therefore looked up to her older sibling. Unfortunately, Buffy looked at Dawn as an annoyance rather than something cool and unique. Dawn longed to be favored by her sister, but refused to let her guard down. Instead, she mercilessly read her sister's diaries and teased her sister about the boys she found appealing. Truth be told, Dawn was desperate to know how she could get as many men attracted to her, especially ones so cute and sexy.

Dawn had been unfortunate enough one time to meet a wonderful and attractive boy who had seemed interested in her, but he had turned out to be a self-employed killer who was intent on teaching Dawn his ways of life. The boy's plan did not work as he'd hoped and he realized he'd have to kill Dawn because she had possessed such incriminating information about him, but just as he was about to end her existence a bolt of lightning fell from the sky and smacked into the top of his head.

Such was the way of three elegant and beautiful royal women, who occupied a rather large castle all on their own, save for the servants and such. Queen Joyce had allowed Buffy's personal mentor, Lord Professor Giles…or was it Professor Lord Giles to keep a room in the castle with them. The queen denied any attraction she allegedly felt for the Lord Professor…Lord…guy. She was a queen and had an image to uphold; even though Giles was an extremely attractive if not very intelligent male and would make a wonderful king in place of that rat she had once been bound to by the laws of what turned out to be unholy matrimony.

An interesting turn of events was about to occur for this unconventional fairy-tale family though, as Princess Buffy realized what she truly wanted in her not-so-magical fairy-tale life.

Princess Buffy stood in the large garden behind her castle home. The sun was in her eyes, and she fidgeted uncomfortably as Professor Giles tried to teach her the ways of an older royal person. She was now twenty-one years of age, and about time she began searching for a suitable mate she could marry.

"I got it. Wave, step, step, smile, wave, walk, walk, walk, wave, smile, carry on with my meaningless royal existence?"

Lord Giles removed his very expensive glasses from his nose and began wiping them clean even though they were the magical expensive type that never got dirty to begin with. "Buffy, I'm afraid you're taking your duties too lightly. Royal training is a very important part of a princess' life. Unfortunately, you have never seemed to be able to master the art of the royal wave, or the walk, or the smile…or the abstinence," he mumbled.

Lord knows that Cinderella never carried on like that, and she was not even a princess until Prince Charming decided to marry her. Queen Joyce had always hoped Buffy would marry Prince Charming, but he had been quite a bit older than her and sullied his family's name by marrying a mere peasant.

"Yeah, I got it. Not carrying out my royal duties like a good little princess. What more do you want from me, Giles?"

Professor Giles cleared his throat. "Dear, I admire your unique sense of self and your ability to know what you want, but as a princess, everyone wants to see a polite, prudish yet sexually appealing young lady."

Buffy daintily twirled her finger in the air. "Fake Buffy, check."

Her mentor just shook his head slowly, but with a hint of a grin. He adored the young princess almost like she was his own daughter, and therefore had trouble arguing with her stubborn way of living. She wasn't going to change and he accepted that. "Lesson over for the day. Go mingle with those you…mingle," he paused, "…with. I'll see you later."

The princess smiled before running back into the castle. More than anything she enjoyed spending time with her friends. They were good friends. True friends. Loyal friends.

"Hello, Buffy! The feather duster has been put to great use. Xander and I took great pleasure in caressing each other with it."

"Ahn! I'm sure Princess Buffy has no desire to hear anything at all about that. Remember, we don't mention private matters," Xander scolded his girlfriend.

Buffy smiled. Her friends were the servants that catered to her family's every whim.

Anya protested. "I'm sure that information would be of great value to the princess next time she makes merry with one of the many bachelors that strive for her attention."

The princess rolled her eyes. "I'll keep that in mind," she said with an amused smirk.

Anya beamed proudly. "See?" She stuck her tongue out at Xander.

"BUFFY!"

Princess Buffy cringed. "Go away!"

Princess Dawn pranced into the dining room where Buffy was speaking with her friends. "You have just received two telegraphs from Prince Angel and Prince Riley!" the younger sister squealed with excitement.

Princess Buffy sighed. "Great. Why can't they just call, or email, or drive over in their fast expensive cars?"

Anya shook her head. "No good, Buffy. You've already made merry with those two attractive males."

Princess Dawn's face filled with disgust. "Eww. And remember what happened when you made merry with Prince Angel?"

Princess Buffy snatched the telegraphs from her sister. "Go upstairs. Now."

The younger princess pouted. "I want to know what the telegraphs say…"

"NO!"

"Fine. I'll go upstairs. I'm pretty sure you've written more in your diary since last weekend."

"Fine then. I'll tell you what's on the telegraphs. But no touching!"

Dawn rolled her eyes but smirked, crossing her arms over her chest.

Buffy opened the telegraph from Prince Angel first.

My dearest Buffy. Stop. I am writing to inform you that I will be attending your family's masquerade ball. Stop. I was hoping you could do me the honor of one dance. Stop. I look forward to seeing you there. Stop. Yours, Stop. Prince Angel. Stop.

Dawn sighed dreamily. "Aww. That was beautiful."

"It was stilted. Isn't Angel that large and flowery fellow that went all Jack the Ripper after you had sexual intercourse with him?"

Xander jabbed Anya in the side. "Honey, once again, that is a subject we do not speak of in the presence of the princess."

"Everyone was cleared up from that horrible mess," Buffy pointed out. "Don't you remember? One of the ugly stepsisters grew jealous that Prince Angel shunned her and placed a curse upon his mind which told him to kill."

Xander blinked. "Ah yes. Only Captain Hair would get stuck with a curse like that. I think the real reason that ugly crone placed a curse on him was because he stole her favorite bottle of Dippity-Do hair gel."

Princess Dawn snorted at Xander's obvious dislike of Prince Angel. Then again, Princess Dawn had a rather large attraction to the family servant.

Princess Buffy ignored them as she opened the telegraph from Prince Riley.

My dearest Buffy. Stop. I look forward to basking in your presence at your family's masquerade ball. Stop. It would give me great pleasure if you would save just one dance for me. Stop. I am thrilled about the time I will get to spend with you. Stop. Sincerely, Stop. Prince Riley. Stop.

"Now there's a guy for you, Princess," Xander started. "He's strong, noble, and fights for his family's honor."

"Prince Angel possesses all those qualities as well," Buffy replied tartly.

"Yes, but sometimes those qualities get in the way of his brooding time, and he seems to just forget to be strong, noble, and family-oriented."

Princess Dawn beamed at Xander. Anya patted her boyfriend on the back.

Queen Joyce entered the room. "Buffy? I was hoping to have a word with you."

"Hello, your highness," Xander exclaimed brightly, bowing before the queen.

Queen Joyce smiled fondly at the young man. "How is everyone today?"

"Buffy got some telegraphs from Prince Angel and Prince Riley," Dawn quickly answered.

Princess Buffy glared at her younger sister. "Go away," she said through gritted teeth.

Xander and Anya took the opportunity to make themselves look busy in front of the queen while the two princesses squared off against one another.

"That's wonderful news. I suppose that is what I wish to speak with you on, dear."

"Mother," the older princess whined.

"Darling daughter, it is high time you choose a prince to marry. I feel that the masquerade ball is the perfect time for you to decide who you shall take as your groom."

"What? No!" Buffy protested.

"I think it's an excellent idea, mother," Princess Dawn said sweetly.

Princess Buffy gave her sister a threatening look then turned back to her mother. "Prince Charming already did that. Remember? Why should we steal their idea?"

"Well, look at how happy Prince Charming is with Cinderella."

"Fine, then I'll choose someone who is not of royal blood either," Buffy quipped.

"Now, Buffy. You surely understand the importance of marrying a prince?"

The princess shrugged. "Nope. Not really."

The queen exhaled slowly, not in the mood to put up with her daughter's stubbornness. "We will discuss the matter further later on then." Placing a kiss on her princesses' foreheads, she left the room.

"So, Buffster, what are you going to do?"

Princess Buffy glanced at Xander. "Absolutely nothing."

"The masquerade ball is very near, and the queen wishes you to choose a man to marry."

Buffy scoffed. "Xander, I am not concerned with the ball."

"Why not?" Anya asked.

Buffy grinned at her friends. "I can't choose if I'm not around to make the decision, now can I?"

Thus the wheels began spinning in Princess Buffy's head as she told Xander and Anya to find Willow and meet her later in the tallest tower of the castle.


	2. Oooh, a Party!

**Title: **Unfairy Tale

**By: **Kelley

**Disclaimer:** I just want Spike. Please, let me have Spike! Er, don't tell my boyfriend that part. :-P

**Distribution:** If you want it, take it. Just let me know first.

**Author's Note: **I am quite fond of reviews. So, don't be shy. Review away:) It'll make me love you more! Plus, quite inspiring! Please no flames. I'm rather sensitive. And tempermental.

* * *

Princess Buffy attempted to remain still while the dressers worked on tying her corset before applying her _Fairy Godmother_ design gown. The princess thanked the heavens she was rather small in the chest area since she was already having difficulty breathing. She tried not to imagine what it would be like to place a corset over the dirty movie harlot her father left the family for. She then thought about it again as the thought of the wench's head exploding as the last of the ribbon was tied together. No respectable woman would partake in a movie entitled _Mistress Spanks-a-Lot_.

After standing patiently for what seemed like hours, the dress was finally on her body properly. Thus the princess took the opportunity to admire herself in the mirror. She smiled at the dress, rubbing the sides smoothly with the palms of her hands. As normal with fairy-tale princesses, the dress was perfectly fitted to show her curves in all the right places before bellowing out into a beautiful skirt, which took on a shape similar to a bell. It was a beautiful shimmering peach color, and the princess enjoyed the elegance she believed it brought out in her.

Buffy left the room in search for Anya, who had told the princess she would be glad to take care of her hair for the night's events. Buffy gladly agreed since Anya's hair always looked wonderful and magically changed colors almost every other day.

Upon reaching the hall of the servant's quarters, she knocked on Anya's door and immediately opened it without waiting for an answer.

"Anya, I need you to do my…oh my goodness!" She quickly shut the door, wishing to never again see the maid stand over Xander with a French tickler in her hand.

"Be there in a minute!" Anya cried, obviously not bothered by the short interruption.

Buffy managed to squeak a small "okay" before heading back towards her room. She made a quick turn to the study room to ask Giles a quick question, but once she walked in she was wishing for early blindness to come, and screamed. The thought of her mother, the queen, making merry with her mentor on the desk made her sick to her stomach, and her first thought was to run and hide in her room. Instead, she swiftly placed the back of her hand to her forehead and fainted.

Five minutes later… 

"Maybe it's a spell, and the only way to break the spell would be for someone to kiss her."

"Xander, no!" Anya exclaimed, slapping her boyfriend's upper arm.

Xander cringed and massaged his arm. "It worked with Snow White, did it not?"

The princess opened her eyes to discover Giles had carried her to her room. Everyone was peering down at her.

"What happened?" she asked dramatically.

"Y-you fainted," Giles answered shyly.

"Oh yes. I forgot. Everyone has gotten into the wacky-ensuing magic potions again, I assume."

"I have those locked away quite safely," Willow protested.

"Well, everything seems okay now. I must go and make sure everything is in place before the final preparations are done," the queen said before swiftly exiting the room.

Giles inhaled uncomfortably. "Yes, and I must go and…read some books," he muttered shyly, leaving the room almost as quickly as the queen had.

The older princess sat up so as to remove any wrinkles her fainting spell may have caused in her beautiful gown.

Dawn smirked at her sister. "So, you fainted, huh?"

"Well, it was an appalling sight to behold," Buffy answered.

"Appalling? Behold? You never talk like that, Buffy," Dawn pointed out.

Anya nodded. "The little one does have a point."

Dawn glared at Anya. "I am not little!" She looked at her sister. "So, what's with the fainting?"

"Isn't that what princesses do in times of distress?"

Anya shrugged. "Sure, if they're on one of those overdramatic daytime television shows."

Buffy frowned. "Oh. Well, it seemed royal to me."

Dawn chuckled.

"What?" Buffy asked non-grumpily as it is not in the nature of a good princess to feel any emotion other than happy, sad, distressed or whimsical.

The younger princess pointed at her sister. "You are the worst princess ever."

"Hey!" Buffy cried, but decided not to carry the argument any further upon thinking about Dawn's statement. Instead the princess shrugged her shoulders and nodded in agreement.

"Try not to let it get you down, Buffy," Anya reassured the princess, tapping her sympathetically on the shoulder. "You'll do great."

Princess Buffy smiled at the sincerity of the maid's words. For Anya was a kind maid. At times she spoke rather strangely, but she was a loyal friend. "So, everyone got the preparations complete for the plan tonight?"

Willow, the family's resident witch, albeit pleasant to view witch, snapped her fingers and was immediately in a gown exactly like the one the older princess wore. "A-are you sure this is such a good idea? I mean, what if Giles recognizes me, or your mother? Then what? A-and I can't choose your prince for you. This is going to end badly, I just know it."

"Calm down, Willow. All you have to do is remove the wig and tell them that I requested your presence at the ball tonight," Buffy explained.

"But that's a lie! You know me! I don't lie well…at all. A-and there will be the nervousness, the jitteriness, the babbling. Then what? Tell me!"

Xander placed his hands on the witch's shoulders. "Take a deep, relaxing breath. You're making me nervous, and I know this plan is going to work. Want a Twinkie?"

Willow turned towards her friend and shook her head. "No, thanks."

Buffy smiled. "It's not a lie, Wills. I really did request your presence. And if that's not good enough, then I request your presence at tonight's ball. You have been good to our family, and I feel that you should be rewarded with a good time. There, how was that?"

Anya winked and Okayed Buffy with her fingers. "Perfect. Way to go!"

Willow breathed a little easier. "Okay, I guess since you said it that it can't be a lie, and you told me it was because I was good to the family, and not because you need me to pretend to be you…"

"Willow!" the four in the room hollered in unison.

"Remember," Buffy began. "When they tell you it is time to choose a groom, you simply remove the blonde wig from your head as well as the mask, and tell them they have made a mistake. You do not know where I am, understand?"

Willow nodded. "Okay. I'm with you."

A few hours later… 

Xander and Anya were put in charge of the drink trays for the masquerade ball. While this was not normal for a fairy-tale family, Queen Joyce ordered that Screwdrivers be passed around amongst the guests of the ball, with the exception of Princess Dawn who had not yet reached the proper drinking age.

A few minutes later, the first royal guest arrived for the major event. Xander and Anya were not so much paying attention to the guest, as they were too busy staring at the three men who were to announce the arrivals for the night. Earlier they had spent an hour and a half arguing over who would do the announcing, and who would simply receive the invitations. Princess Buffy, finally growing tired of their shenanigans, threatened to beat them within an inch of their pathetic lives if they did not come up with a decision soon. They, not wanting to endure the wrath of the princess, took her words to heart and decided they would take turns announcing each guest.

And the first was to arrive was a friend of Dawn's.

"May I have your attention please? We'd like to welcome Lady Janice of Kingdom Reno as our first guest of the night," Master Jonathon informed those who where standing around.

"Yeah, she obviously doesn't understand the term _Fashionably Late_, does she?" Master Andrew added with self-amusement. Jonathon smacked him on the back of his head, Xander and Anya shook their heads, and everyone else rolled their eyes.

Lady Janice immediately headed in the direction of Xander and Anya.

"Hello there! You're Dawn's friend, aren't you? Well, since you are not of proper drinking age yet, you will not be allowed to enjoy any of these splendid Screwdrivers, but you can choose other non-alcoholic beverages from our fine assortment of chocolate milk and natural spring magic water," Anya told the younger girl.

Janice frowned but promised herself that she would have an alcoholic drink that night no matter what she had to do to get a hold of one.

A matter of moments later, two more guests arrived.

"Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Lord Clem and Lady Sophie of Kingdom Doublemeat Palace!" Jonathon exclaimed.

"Yes, you'll recognize Lord Clem from his identifiable skin condition, and who can forget Lady Sophie? She's the one who is allergic to everything on the menu tonight!" Master Warren informed.

Jonathon sighed, smacking his forehead. Andrew slapped the back of Warren's head. Warren punched Andrew in the arm. Andrew flinched away, cradling his arm in pain. Anya and Xander shook their heads, and everyone once again rolled their eyes.

One by one the guests began pouring in one after another.

The room tensed up once Prince Lindsey and Lady Lilah from the nearby Kingdom of Wolfram and Hart entered the place.

"They may appear innocent and attractive, but watch out! They are extremely evil and very untrustworthy!" Andrew exclaimed.

This statement only caused more tension around the room. Lindsey and Lilah sneered evilly because they were evil, but fun evil, not Evil Stepmother evil, Jonathon had pointed out, trying to save all their asses from Master Andrew's royal stupidity.

Lady Janice sought her opportunity. She slowly made her way towards Prince Lindsey in an "I'm-trying-to-be-sexy" kind of way. Once she approached the evil prince, she laughed and batted her eyes at the man. He smiled kindly and bent down to kiss her hand.

"Hello, milady. How are you?"

Janice's smile grew bigger. "Wonderful. I just wanted to introduce myself to you. I am Lady Janice of Kingdom Reno. Perhaps you've heard of it?"

The prince nodded knowingly.

Janice strode up right next to him and leaned towards his ear to whisper seductively. "Would it be too much of a hassle if I asked you to retrieve a Screwdriver for me?"

Lindsey eyed the girl for a few moments. "You do not appear to be of proper drinking age."

Janice shrugged. "I can handle my liquor though."

"Sorry, kiddo. I could never allow myself to endanger one who is not of proper drinking age by sneaking over an alcoholic beverage."

The lady pouted. "But you're evil!" she whined.

Lindsey shook his head up and down. "That may be, but I've always had a soft spot for children."

Janice gaped. "Are you serious?"

Lindsey sighed. " 'Fraid so, little lady."

"Fine. Apparently you're only semi-evil. Quasi-evil. The margarine of evil. The diet coke of evil; just one calorie, not evil enough!"

The prince rolled his eyes. "While you may enjoy the use of pop culture references on me, I must remind you that every evil being or person has a weak spot."

Janice huffed. "Whatever." With that said, she walked away.

"Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome Prince Angel, accompanied by his mother, Queen Darla, and his father, King Master of Kingdom Los Angeles!" Jonathon announced.

A few of the ladies present swooned. Queen Darla waved to those around, and King Master slightly nodded in the directions of those he was somewhat acquainted with.

"For those of you who don't remember Prince Angel, I will now enlighten you. After a short, very short fling with Princess Buffy, a curse was placed upon Prince Angel's head. What do we remember the most about him while he went all Jack the Ripper on us? Well, he scared the horses, killed the puppies…hid the remote; really awful shit." Andrew said to the crowd. "And while his family is ruler of Kingdom L.A., we must also remember that Angel is Prince of Major Brooding!"

Prince Angel hung his head to avoid the stares of the men present. Still, the women continued to swoon, and Xander made gagging noises.

This time, Jonathon threw a vase that was close by, hitting Andrew in the head and knocking him unconscious for the time being. Warren slowly lifted his body and placed it in a corner where no one would accidentally trip over his prone figure.

"Ahem!"

Jonathon's attention was turned to the prince who was waiting to be announced.

"Ah, and Prince Riley of Kingdom Initiative has now graced us with his presence."

"And aren't we grateful he didn't bring along his brother Adam!" Warren supplied.

A few light-hearted chuckles were heard around the room.

Riley smiled, causing a few girls in the room to melt. Others were too busy trying to make Angel feel better by hanging all over him and laughing constantly and at nothing.

Prince Riley made his way towards Xander to request a drink. "Hello, Xander. How are you this evening?"

"Just great, Prince Riley. Can't wait to see what kinds of fun we're in for tonight," Xander replied.

"But that doesn't mean we're in on some secret plan and kinds of fun is a code name for something that will confuse everyone tonight," Anya added, smiling brightly.

Prince Riley raised an eyebrow. "Well, that's good to know…I think." Taking a drink, he said goodbye to the two servants before going to mingle with the rest of the group.

Meanwhile… 

"God, I'm so bored," Buffy sighed.

Queen Joyce smiled at her daughter. "Don't worry, dear. Soon enough it will be time for us to be announced, and you will be able to choose your groom."

Princess Buffy pasted a false grin on her face. "How keen," she said evenly.

Princess Dawn was currently busy spinning around in circles to see how far she could make her dress puff out.

"Dear, sit down. You're going to make yourself sick," the queen scolded.

Dawn took a seat next to her older sister. Queen Joyce excused herself to check on how many guests had shown up for the party so far.

"So, everything's ready for your daring adventure tonight, oh rebellious one," Dawn half-whispered.

Buffy smiled. "Good to know."

"Has Willow gone down to the party yet?"

"She's going to sneak in when the place is crowded enough," Buffy informed her sister.

Dawn nodded. "I'm so bored."

The queen returned a short time later. "Everything seems to be going very well," Joyce announced with a big smile on her face.

Back in the ballroom… 

Andrew awoke to find himself in a corner with a sharp pain in his head. Rubbing it gently, he stood up slowly. Several more guests had arrived while he had been out. He walked over to Jonathon and shoved him on the back.

"What'd you do that for, you penis?" Andrew demanded.

"Um, cuz you're an idiot?" Jonathon guessed.

"If you do that again, I'm going to tell Three Little Pigs that you wish to turn them into bacon and share them with the wolf."

Jonathon glared at Andrew. "That was you, you pinhead!"

Andrew scowled. "Oh yeah," he mumbled quietly.

"Oh! Tonight we have some guests that have traveled long and far for this occasion! Please welcome Prince Wesley and Princess Winifred all the way from Kingdom Texas. And it looks like Princess Winifred is being accompanied by not only Prince Wesley, but also her twin sister Princess Illyria!" Jonathon proclaimed.

Princess Winifred smiled brightly and waved at everyone as she and Prince Wesley made their way down the stairs. Princess Illyria, in her red leather, skin-tight ball gown, made no attempt to smile or acknowledge the presence of anyone in the room.

"Illyria, once a normal girl like her identical twin Fred, grew quite ill one time and was never the same again. Now claiming that she is an Ancient Demon Goddess, she looks down on all humans and sometimes we aren't sure if she is actually telling the truth. Either way, this brunette-blue bombshell is quite the force to be reckoned with!"

Jonathon threw his hands in the air. Andrew only knew how to say the wrong things, and he did not like that look of possible torture in Illyria's eyes as she was suddenly in front of the short blonde, holding him by the neck.

"I will rip out your spine and carry it with me as a trophy," Illyria spat.

"Um, ow," Andrew whined. "Please don't hurt me," he whimpered.

"I am Illyria, ruler of seven dimensions, god-king of the primordium. I once held power over vast armies that would rip your eyeballs from their sockets at my whim because of your insolence."

Warren laughed. "Yeah, right. Go on, little girl, and join your sane sister."

The blue-haired, blue-eyed princess dropped Andrew to the floor and sauntered over to Warren. "I should have your tongue removed from your mouth and shoved down your throat. In my days, no one dared insult my greatness. I will impose many tortures on your broken and beaten figure…"

"Okay, okay!" Fred ran up the stairs, grabbing her sister's arm. "DON'T make Illyria mad. Understand?"

Warren nodded. "Got it," he squeaked.

Illyria looked at her twin, and followed her down the stairs. "I dislike that mortal. He is a vile creature who should be flayed alive, his body burned while he screams in agony."

The brown-haired, brown-eyed princess nodded in understanding at her seething sister. "Yeah, I agree. He's rather rude, isn't he?"

Everyone returned to what they were doing once they were sure Illyria was not going to place bodily harm on any of them.

"Wow, that was hot!" Xander whispered to himself.

Anya gave Xander a look that would cause his brain to melt from his ears and out his nose.

Xander grinned. "I mean, if you like that sort of thing. But she's crazy, and why would I want a psycho like her when I have a strong, capitalistic female figure such as yourself?"

Anya sighed. "I so long to hold a lot of money in my hands again. Oh, why don't you prostitute yourself in order to raise money to buy more things for me?"

"But Ahn, that would involve me making merry with multiple women, thus ending the monogamy of our relationship."

Anya smiled, hugging her boyfriend tightly. "This is a case in which I would approve, but since you used large, difficult words, I will forget about my recent proposal of you selling your sexy body to other women."

Prince Riley was making his way back towards the drink trays when he passed the twin princesses. Being the kind man he was, he smiled deeply at the two, nodding his head slightly to acknowledge them. As usual, Fred smiled at his kindness where Illyria stared at him with unblinking eyes, and continued walking with her sister. He turned when he heard a feminine voice.

"They are the worst twins ever!" Janice half-whispered to the muscular prince.

Riley shrugged. "They're not so bad. They're just extremely different, that's all."

Lady Janice smiled at Riley. "So how are you this fine evening?"

"Doing great. You?"

Janice placed her hand over her heart and chuckled. "Well, this gala is a bit of a drag, but since I just ran into you things are starting to get a lot better."

"Well, thanks. I think. I'm Prince Riley, by the way."

Lady Janice held out her hand and Riley bent down to kiss it. "I'm Lady Janice."

"Wonderful to meet you."

Janice fanned her face. "It is quite warm in here. Are you thirsty?"

Riley held up his empty glass to Janice. "Quite. I was on my way to get another drink."

"Would you mind getting me one?" Janice asked, batting her eyes.

"Sure. Would you like milk or water?"

Janice blinked. "Actually, I'd like whatever you're having."

"Sorry, little lady, but I'm pretty sure you are not of proper drinking age."

Lady Janice sighed. "What is with everyone tonight? I can handle my liquor just fine."

Riley shook his head. "Sorry, but I do not wish to be responsible for any mishaps that occur due to your underage drinking."

"This party sucks," Janice mumbled, walking away from Riley.

"Everyone, it is time to welcome our latest arrivals," Jonathon announced, almost sounding bored. "First we have Lord Connor from Kingdom Quortoth, accompanied by family friend, Princess Cordelia from Kingdom Prada."

Cordelia smiled at the group and regally waved. The males in the ballroom all stopped what they were doing and stared fondly at the princess with the large, beautiful ra…smile. Connor just grinned and led the princess down the stairs.

"And next we have Prince Gunn from Kingdom Bad Side of Town Los Angeles accompanying Lady Tara from Kingdom Wiccaville."

The two smiled and made their way to the ballroom floor to join Connor and Cordelia.

"And finally we have Prince Oz from Kingdom Everywhere accompanying Lady Faith, cousin of Queen Joyce, from Kingdom State Penitentiary."

The last two made their way down the stairs to join the four they had walked inside with.

"And there are a couple of bad-ass fighters in that group, so don't do anything sudden or they may just bite your head off!" Warren announced, proud of his statement.

"Yes, this may prove to be a howling good time," Andrew added.

Jonathon stared straight ahead, a look of annoyance covering his face. "Ladies and gentlemen, I apologize for any offensive comments made by these two simpering idiots I have been forced to work with. Ignore anything they say, and remember that you're here to enjoy yourselves."

Everyone immediately took to mingling around with others in the crowd; some catching up on past times, others introducing themselves to those they had never met.

"Where's Willow," Xander asked his girlfriend.

"Hi guys," Willow said, appearing from nowhere, causing Xander to jump.

"Great googly moogly, Willow! Stop sneaking up on me like that!" Xander cried.

Willow smiled. "But it's so much fun to see you jump when I do."

Anya nodded. "Yes, the situation is always rather humorous what with you being afraid and squealing like a little girl."

"I do not squeal!" Xander protested.

"Willow, what's up with the red hair? You don't look a thing like Buffy," Anya pointed out.

"Yes, Anya, because if I looked like Buffy while she was actually here, much confusion would be caused and the plan would fail, now wouldn't it?"

Anya shrugged. "Would you care for a screwdriver?"

Willow shook her head nervously. "I couldn't. I'm already nervous enough. Alcoholic badness would only make me blow the whole plan and Buffy would never forgive me."

Trumpets blared. It was finally time for Queen Joyce and her two daughters to be announced to the party.

"I do not understand the point of this masquerade ball. Everyone must wear these silly masks to hide their true identity, yet they are announced when they come in and everyone knows who they are. What a silly idea."

Willow grinned at the maid. "I think the Queen just liked the name and the idea of people wearing masks…it is closing in on Halloween after all."

Jonathon cleared his throat. "Everyone please place your attention on this part of the room. It is time to announce the queen and her daughters."

All eyes were on Jonathon.

"First off, everyone welcome Princess Dawn, the youngest of the family."

Dawn smiled and made her way down the stairs, waving slowly for everyone to see.

"And next, please welcome Princess Buffy, the eldest daughter of the queen for whom this party is being thrown tonight."

"Some of you may not be surprised to learn that Buffy has finally earned the title of _The Worst Princess Ever_ earlier today," Andrew once again unnecessarily added. He whined when he felt a hand smack the back of his head and frowned apologetically when he turned and realized he'd received a royal bitch slap from the queen herself.

Jonathon smirked. "And here she is. The queen of Sunnydale. Queen Joyce everyone!"

Everyone stared in awe as the beautiful queen slowly walked down the stairs, smiling serenely at the guests. She was hoping for the party to be a success.

"Is it just me, or did those announcements seem out of place for a royal type party?" Xander mused.

"I guess it's time to set this plan in motion?"

Willow nodded at Anya. "Yep. Time for me to pull some rabbits out of my hat."

As Willow walked off, she smiled when she heard a small cry of terror escape the lips of Xander's girlfriend.

"Xander, why would she do that?"

Willow shook her head and laughed. She knew Xander would now be stuck comforting Anya the rest of the time.

Slowly, Princess Buffy's plan for happiness was falling into place as the Kingdom of Sunnydale celebrated their most valued past time event, dancing and inevitable merry-making.


	3. Alcoholy Goodness!

**Title:** _Unfairy Tale_

**Author:**_ Kelley_

**Summary:** _Buffy is a princess, and bored with it. She forms a plan and decides to run away. Eventually Spuffy...like there was ever any doubt._

**Author's Note:** _Spike will eventually appear in this story. It's not time for him yet though. Please review. It makes me happy. :) Unless you're flaming me. Then I'll send the evil clowns after you._

* * *

Once the ball was in full swing, Princess Buffy gracefully headed towards Xander and Anya in order to obtain a drink full of alcohol-y goodness. No matter how much young Dawn pleaded, the elder princess took great joy in telling her sister "no" and reminding her of the fact that she was not of proper age. Princess Dawn retorted with some comment about being cruel to Buffy once the older princess reached her unfortunate geriatric stage of life by mentioning that she would send her off to live with some evil beast in a far away castle where there was no way to make it to a shopping mall before her time was up.

"Buffster! My, my, don't you look delectable!"

Buffy's eyes widened and she looked at Anya. "Delectable?"

Anya swatted the question away with her hand. "He's been using large, impressive words all night. It is turning me on. I'm imagining our merry-making marathon right now."

Buffy smiled. "That's nice," she said sarcastically. "So, drink?"

Xander dutifully handed one to the princess. "Be careful with that. Remember, you and alcohol don't mix well."

Buffy scoffed. "Dear Xander, I'll be fine." She sniffed the drink and immediately had to grab on to something to keep from toppling over due to the powerful smell of the vodka and orange juice.

"What a lightweight!" Dawn taunted. Her sister glared at her and taunted her back by making a big show of taking a small sip of her Screwdriver. Dawn stuck her tongue out and went to find her friend, Lady Janice.

"Hey, B! This party's great!"

The princess turned to face her cousin Faith and smiled. "Hey, Faith! It's been so long! How are you?"

Faith shrugged. "Five by five. I'm glad to escape my kingdom for awhile. Times are pretty rough in Kingdom Penitentiary. Everyone seems to be breaking laws left and right, and we're having the most difficulty dealing with the criminals."

Buffy sighed. "I'd suggest that you feed them to ogres, but then that may not go over too well with your surrounding kingdoms."

Faith nodded. "Oh well. No use thinking about it now. I'm thirsty."

"Xander and Anya got drinks over there," Buffy said, pointing in the servants direction.

"Be right back. Hey, Xan! How's it hangin'?"

Anya eyed Faith up and down with a disapproving glare. "It's hanging just fine. I know quite well since Buffy caught me and Xander playing our Mistress of Pain game earlier."

Faith blinked. "Sorry I missed it. Man, this party is kickin'! Anyway, I just came over for a drink. Take care of yourselves though. Oh, and have you ever seen _Mistress Spanks-a-Lot_? I bet you could get some great ideas from that one." Taking her drink, Faith winked at the couple before heading over to her cousin once again. She placed an arm around Buffy and walked her to another part of the room. "So, B. Heard you had some merry-making fun with Prince Riley. Tell me about him."

Princess Cordelia walked past the two cousins at that moment and ran into Fred. She looked at the girl from the Kingdom of Texas with wide eyes. "God! Faith is such a slut!"

Princess Fred smiled at Cordelia. "I think she's pretty nice. I don't really know her that well, but she seems like she's pretty nice."

Cordy scoffed. "I hear she's made merry with more of the royal men than her cousin, _Princess Buffy_, has."

Fred shrugged. "At least she's not trying to end the world."

Cordelia grinned, changing the subject. "So, how are you and Wes?"

"Oh, we're great. He's sweet."

Anya walked over to the two girls. "Hi! Would either of you care for an alcoholic beverage? We've got Screwdrivers!"

Cordelia took two drinks from Anya's tray and handed one to Fred. "Thanks!" she said with a bright smile.

Fred nervously looked at her drink, but sighed and began sipping it.

"Enjoy your night. I'm off to ensure the drunkenness of more guests." With that, she walked away from the two princesses.

A short distance away, she ran into Princess Illyria, who was standing around watching the events of the party before her.

"Hi!" Anya cried cheerfully.

Illyria turned to look at her, no expression on her face as usual. Her eyes unblinking, she tilted her head in a bird-like manner at the woman holding the tray of drinks. "Are you the one responsible for passing around that vile poison tonight?"

"Well, if you mean these tasty alcoholic beverages, then yes! Would you like one?"

Illyria studied Anya for a moment. Despite her annoyingly cheerful demeanor, there was something about her that Illyria liked. "Do you wish to fill me with such toxins?"

Anya thought about it for a moment. "This should help you have more fun."

The blue-haired princess stood taller and jutted out her chin. "Fine then. I will partake in the drinking."

Anya eagerly handed Illyria a drink. "Good choice. I hope you enjoy the rest of the night. Feel free to find me or Xander if you would like some more!" And with a sharp nod of her head, Anya walked off to find another empty-handed guest to fill with alcohol.

Illyria studied her drink. Then she sniffed it. She noticed it had a strong odor, mixed with a fruity odor. She held the glass above her head, studying the beverage from all angles before bringing it down to her nose again. Deciding she had nothing to lose, she took a small sip. Luckily, it had no adverse effect so Illyria decided she would not have to kill the servant who handed her the drink.

"Oh my gosh! I love your dress!"

Illyria's head turned sharply to the annoying squealing voice. "Who are you to make such an awful noise in my ear?"

Lady Janice ignored Illyria's comment. "So, are you having fun tonight?"

The princess turned back to face the guests who were busy mingling and dancing. "I do not understand the rituals of you mere humans."

Janice frowned and raised an eyebrow at Illyria's comment, but just pushed the statement aside. "Do you like your drink?"

"The flavor is somewhat enticing. I may have that servant girl bring me another later on."

"Would you mind getting a drink for me too?"

Illyria turned back to eye the annoying child. "I am no servant, and I do not take orders from humans."

"I'm not ordering you to or anything. I'm just asking, begging really."

Illyria took another sip of her drink. "Be gone, child. You annoy me."

Lady Janice pouted. "All I want is a freakin' drink! Why won't anyone just get me a drink?"

Illyria took another look at Janice. "You appear to be what these human creatures refer to as one who is not of proper drinking age."

"Why does everyone keep saying that?" Janice mumbled. "Oh, come on! It's not like you care anyway! You claim to be some ancient demon goddess warrior thing! I mean, yeah, everyone thinks you're crazy and full of crap, but that doesn't mean I agree with them."

"Now I believe you are…brown-nosing? Do not bother me with your petty troubles."

Janice glared at the princess. "You know what? I lied! I do think you're crazy! You're no goddess of any type. I think you're just some bored princess who wants attention from people!"

If possible, Illyria's eyes widened with anger, her body taking on a predatory stance. She grabbed Janice by the neck, lifting her from the ground. "I ought to rip your beating heart from your chest, before I rip out your intestines so I may use them to tie your heart around your neck. Do not pester me anymore!"

As Illyria dropped Janice, the teenager stared at the blue-haired princess with wide, frightened eyes. She rubbed her neck and backed away slowly before turning and running in the opposite direction.

"Damn, Blue! I thought she was going to pass out when you lifted her by the neck!"

"Charles," she said dryly. "She annoyed me. She needed to be dealt with."

"Yeah, but I don't think the way to make friends starts with you threatening the lives of everyone here tonight," he joked.

"I choose not to harm you because you are not unpleasant to my eyes," she stated.

Gunn grinned. "And I'm quite grateful for that, believe me."

"H-how did you do that?" Tara asked shyly.

"I am Illyria, god-king and ruler of seven dimensions."

Tara stared at Illyria blankly.

Gunn rubbed Tara's back and smiled. "What I think she's trying to say is that she's a goddess, and therefore loaded up with strength."

Tara looked at Gunn. "Is she really a demon goddess though?" she asked quietly.

"That's the million dollar question," he answered just as quietly.

Illyria tilted her head at Gunn and Tara and took another sip of her drink. "I recommend this alcoholic substance. The taste does not displease me. I feel that I may ask for another."

"Noted, Big Blue. Enjoy the party, and try not to kill anyone. Okay?" He smiled and walked away with Tara.

Illyria watched everyone enjoying themselves with the night's festivities. She took another sip and was momentarily caught off guard when she felt someone bump into her. Her eyes drifted towards the figure slowly so as to scare the offending person.

"Hey. Sorry 'bout that."

Illyria tilted her head. "They call you Oz, do they not?"

The short red-haired man smiled. "Yeah, that would be me. I didn't hurt you did I?" he asked nervously.

"I remain unharmed by your accidental clumsiness. I would rip the spine from most mortals who were not watching me as they approached me, but I sense a sort of feral power in you that makes me enjoy your company."

Oz sighed in relief. "That's cool," he said with a nod.

Illyria took a large gulp of her drink. "Yes, it is…cool. Now, be gone and try to refrain from accidents next time." The god-king walked off instead, leaving Oz to scratch his head.

"That was weird," he mumbled.

"Wow, I can't believe she didn't threaten to rip out your spine or something!"

Oz whirled around at the sound of the pleasant voice. "Well, she did…sort of. We bonded over power. It was fun."

Willow smiled. "Oh, so what kind of power do you possess?"

Oz shrugged. "I'm a werewolf."

Willow's eyes grew wide. "Oh, really? I'm a witch. I'm actually this family's witch. I'm really close friends with Princess Buffy. How well do you know her? She's super cool, and is always saying 'Willow, don't worry', or 'Willow, that spell went wrong last time you tried it'."

"Huh," Oz replied. "So, do you wanna dance?"

Willow's chin fell. "Me? But I'm not…me…just a witch…not royal. It's not proper. People would look down on you. And I've got things to do here…I might forget…it would be really bad…and I can't dance. Plus…wouldn't your date get mad?"

Oz looked back in Faith's direction. "Faith?" He shook his head. "Nah. We're just friends. I'm too short for her anyway," he added with a small smile.

"Oh. Uh, are you sure you're not drunk and imagining that you're talking to a really pretty, witty royal girl?"

Oz just rolled his eyes. "Let's go." He grabbed her hand and led her to the dance floor. "Everything will be fine. Just breathe."

From a distance, Xander glared. "Look at Mister I'm so Cool over there."

Anya smiled. "Honey, get over it. Jealousy is not becoming on you. Besides, Oz is a really nice guy, and I think he'd be really great for Willow."

"He's probably got some evil plot going on in his head…right now," Xander replied.

"I highly doubt it. But if he does, let's just hope it doesn't interfere with our plan tonight. Cuz that would be unfortunate. Then Princess Buffy would have to marry one of those boring royal males, and that would never work out for her."

Dawn bounced over to the couple. "Hey, check out Willow getting' jiggy with the werewolf!"

Xander choked. "Excuse me? Werewolf? I knew it! He's got an evil plan. He's going to bite Willow and turn her into a werewolf and have her join his army of oversized, angry puppies!"

Dawn furrowed her brow. "Yeah…that's exactly it, Xander. Except for the fact that Oz has had a crush on Willow for quite some time, and he's only a very nice gentleman. You're just jealous!"

"Am not!" Xander protested.

"He's just being silly," Anya replied in a patronizing tone.

"So anyway, it's almost time for THE PLAN! Are you ready to start THE PLAN?" Dawn asked excitedly.

"Just about," Xander said distractedly, still watching Willow.

Dawn grinned. She had never expected that her older sister would include her in a plan. Let alone a plan of this magnitude. Yep, Dawn could feel her status rising in the world. With a royal flourish that only a teenager could muster, the younger princess turned and immediately ascended the stairs where she would wait for the elder princess to arrive.

Upon reaching her destination, she checked everything once more to make sure the plan would still flow smoothly.

Unfortunately, Princess Buffy was taking her sweet time. Dawn sighed and tapped her foot impatiently. Finally, she heard her sister heading toward the room, although she was moving quite slowly.

Dawn rolled her royal eyes and sighed heavily as her sister grunted and groaned, dragging the largest duffel bag she'd ever laid eyes on into the room with her.

"Buffy, what's with the bag? That's only going to slow you down, I'm afraid."

Buffy looked at her sister indignantly. "I will need these to ensure my survival. I have several different outfits, my toiletries, and a vast array of canned goods and dried food."

The younger princess scoffed. "Yeah, like you're going to eat any of that."

"For your information, I eat quite frequently. I just happen to possess a very high metabolism due to an active lifestyle and fortunate genes."

Dawn snorted. "Yep…but not all of us carry the title of 'easy' quite so well either."

"I have not made merry with that many males, Dawn. Faith, if you seem to remember, has made merry with four times the number of men I have, and not all of them have been of royal blood. So…there!" And she promptly stuck her tongue out at her sister.

"Oh yeah, you're so mature, Buffy," Dawn retorted.

"Are we going to get this plan in motion, or shall we bicker all night?"

Dawn crossed her arms over her chest and smirked. "I don't know. Maybe I should just let you go through the torture of choosing a man tonight."

"You certainly do annoy me so," Buffy muttered.

"Yeah, well back at you!" Dawn replied. "So, are you ready or is there another piece of luggage waiting out in the corridor?"

"Very funny. Just toss this out the window."

Dawn glared at her sister, but hoisted the bag the best she could and let it fall from the window. "You're so bossy."

"If you broke anything, dear sis, I'm telling mom."

"Oh, so you're going to run away and then come back to tell on me?"

Buffy blinked. "No. But I'll make you pay later."

Dawn looked down at the makeshift rope she'd set up at the window. "Well, the rope appears to be securely fastened, and is fairly strong. Just hold on and take your time."

Buffy nodded. "Got it. Well, see you later, dear sister." She smiled and waved before going to the window and tossing one leg over the side.

"Be careful out there," Dawn ordered, a hint of worry etching her voice. Just not a whole lot of worry as that would show vulnerability, and the younger princess did indeed want to show she was a strong person.

The older princess grabbed the rope and began shimmying her way down. Before her head disappeared, she looked at her sister. "Don't worry. I'll be back eventually. Unless one of the royal guards…aaaaah!"

Dawn jumped and raced to the window only to find her sister on top of her luggage. "What happened?" she yelled down to Buffy.

"I fell!" the princess hollered back.

"Obviously! But how?"

"I let go," Buffy answered.

Dawn just shook her head. It was discovered not long ago that Buffy possessed the gracefulness of a puppy on a tile floor. It was most likely her own stupidity that caused her to fall to the ground. "You're the worst princess ever!" Dawn yelled.

"Bite me!" Buffy said in a warning tone before dragging her luggage down the path and out into the real world, beyond the protection of the castle gates.

Dawn only wondered how long it would be before her sister was caught and returned for neither princess had any real experience out there in the world beyond their sight. She then wondered if perhaps they should have taken the time to learn about the dangers of what a princess could face in a world where people cooked their own meals and cleaned their own homes. Dawn shuddered at the thought, only hoping the princess ended up in a place where she was not surrounded by so many barbarians.

In the meantime, Buffy was slowly making her way towards what appeared to be an enchanted forest. She longed for a place to stop because she was experiencing something unfamiliar to her. Unfortunately, she had failed to realize that such a large piece of luggage would result in back pain and stinky, nasty sweatiness. And alas, her hair was beginning to fall out of place. She feared that she would ultimately regret her decision to run away, but refused to give up now.

Thus the princess bravely set out to find what it is she was looking for. 'If only there was a mall close by' she thought to herself. She walked deeper into the woods, unaware of who or what could be lurking there in the shadows. She was a girl on a mission. And she was on her own.


End file.
